There’s a body in the garden
no, don’t call the police,
it’s half past eleven
it’s dad, he’s fast asleep.
Got back from a skinful
not made it to the door,
he’s fallen through the garden gate
and passed out on the floor.
A mistress in his pocket
a cuckoo in the nest
who gives a damn about the kids
who cares if they’re distressed.
When mum’s not on the sherry
she’s flirting with the boys
spending all dad’s money,
pawning all our toys.
Getting herself pregnant
dad was taken aback,
but as a poor, failed Catholic
she practised on her back.
A mistress in his pocket
a cuckoo in the nest,
so how the hell did all this mess
turn out for the best.
